remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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