i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize