i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize