Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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