We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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