is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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