she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize