i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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