well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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