I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
