i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She needs sedatives and a leash
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
