Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
