There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
