I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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