Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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