Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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