Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
