I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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