You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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