I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've changed since you got that strap on
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
