True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
