There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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