im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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