what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
