stop calling my apartment porn island.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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