I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
