Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
