we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
