Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
