Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize