I wanna bring you to show and tell
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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