I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
