It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
