The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
