We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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