she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
