turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
