I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
