you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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