Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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