I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
