My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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