i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize