Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize