The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
PANTIES FOUND
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
