I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
