i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize