We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
