Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
