All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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