ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
