Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
