I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
