so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
