I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
