just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
