OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Someone shit on the floor
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
