Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
