My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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