so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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