i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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