okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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