I wish I could punch you in the face.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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