At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize